Archive for Women

Brown Bodies In Pink Collars

Brown Bodies in Pink Collars. 

I haven’t been able to release this thought from my head in 4 days.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot of thoughts about the profession in which I work, since I’ve been back at work. For those who don’t know, I’m a childcare provider. Early Care and Education specialist. I work with children under the age of 3 most of the time and at the moment, with children less than a year old. An “Educarer”, if you will. I’ve done this for most of my adult life. I’ve invested a lot into my education and professional development to be the best that I can be when working with very young children and their families. I get a lot of shyt from other Black women about this kind of work, especially when I was working as a Nanny. Apparently, I’m too smart and “too good” to be some “babysitter”. Well, I guess we’d love to have a bunch of dumb-asses caring for our children at the point in their lives when they do the most developing they’ll ever do. Pssshhh…whatever. I ignore it. I love what I do. I’m good at and and I know I make a difference.

With that being said, I think about Black and Latina women dominate this particular Pink Collar Industry (other Pink Collar jobs include maids, strippers, hairstylists and flight attendants) despite the fact that historically, our mothering skills are always called into question and how we often times find ourselves caring for the very young children of White women. Brown bodies in Pink Collars propping up the White Feminist movement. Thinkerate on that, family. Think about how if it were not for Black and Latina women working in the low-paying profession of childcare provider, whether it be in center-based group care or as private nannies, White women waving the flag of feminism wouldn’t be able to go out and work and be independent. Or whatever it is they do to roar as women and be heard. Women like me are who make it possible for White women to challenge the ideas and practices of patriarchy  in the work world. How I feel about my role in this fluctuates daily. That’s real for me.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking so much about this because of the arguments I’ve seen swirling about concerning racism within feminism. How White feminists are quick to recognize their own oppression and advocate for themselves but often turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the oppression of women of color. Not only is it being dismissed but it is being perpetuated. When a White woman treats her Nanny like crap or when a poor Black mother feels isolated/singled out by the staff the mixed-income, racially-diverse child development center that her child attends, that oppression is being supported and carried out by people who benefit from the roles that are filled by the Brown Bodies in Pink Collars. If we were not there in those Pink Collars, loving and educating other women’s children, often times at the detriment of our own babies (low pay, no paid sick leave/vacation, no health insurance in most of these positions) , could those White women be all that they can be? Nope, not at all. Do they recognize this when they accuse their nannies of stealing or yelling at them when they’re 5 minutes late to work? Sometimes I honestly think they don’t, and for a lot of reasons. Class and race being the biggest of those.

It has all made me think about this feminism thing like a puzzle of sorts. If there are pieces missing, the picture cannot be complete. No one piece is more important than any of the others. I know this because being a poor woman of color, I have the perspective of always having to look up to see what is going on. I know what the deal is, believe me. Those on the top have the option of never looking down if they don’t want to. #Privilege. White women with money enough to pay for a woman like me to care for their children while they work never have to acknowledge that the reason they can see so far and so clearly in their heroic acts of feminism is because they stand upon the shoulders of Brown Bodies in Pink Collars.

 

~pbg

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Black Mamas BabyWearing: It’s Our Culture And It’s Best Practices

I guess it will be “Babies & Motherhood” week here on Dirty Pretty Thangs, huh? Not much dirtier or prettier in my humble opinion.

I was just on Twitter talking with a few mothers (new/veteran/aspiring) about how we carry our babies from one place to another (funny, Daddies never chime in on this subject). Somebody had asked why strollers are so expensive and I brought up the option of BabyWearing. Babywearing is something that I am VERY fond of as a veteran mommy, family advocate and aspiring doula. I always thought that Babywearing just made sense. I felt like when my babies were in strollers, they were kinda far away from me and not as safe as they were on my body or in my arms. Babies are meant to be held. That’s why our hips spread when we’re pregnant: we’re actually making room on our bodies for our baby. Personal theory right there, but I feel like it is probably grounded in something legitimate out there! LOL!

Well, after doing an impromptu and informal Twitter Poll about who felt comfortable with their babies in a stroller as opposed to wearing the baby, I noticed a trend. I’m followed on Twitter by a lot of Black women, so that’s who primarily answered. Most of them felt more comfortable with their babies in strollers. I was a bit taken aback by that and that’s because of what I know about the benefits of BabyWearing:

  • Mothers’ oxytocin is increased through physical contact with the infant, leading to a more intimate maternal bond, easier breastfeeding and better care, thus lowering the incidence of postpartum depression and psychosomatic illness in the mother
  • Infants who are carried are calmer because all of their primal/survival needs are met. The caregiver can be seen, heard, smelled, touched, tasted, provide feeding and the motion necessary for continuing neural developmentgastrointestinal and respiratory health and to establish balance (inner ear development) and muscle tone is constant
  • Infants are more organized. Parental rhythms (walking, heartbeat, etc.) have balancing and soothing effects on infants.
  • Infants are “humanized” earlier by developing socially. Babies are closer to people and can study facial expressions, learn languages faster and be familiar with body language.
  • Independence is established earlier.
  • Attachment between child and caregiver is more secure.
  • Decreases risk of positional plagiocephaly (“flat head syndrome”) caused by extended time spent in a car seat and by sleeping on the back.

This is all from Dr.William Sears’ “attachment parenting” theory. But those of us who explore and learn the histories of Black/African mothering know that the practice of BabyWearing is one deeply rooted in our culture. We’ve ALWAYS worn our babies. The same for Native Americans and other indigenous and ethnic peoples. I checked a few ads for “baby slings” and all the mama models on the ads were White women!

No Black Mama models available to do this ad, I guess.

No wonder so many Black Mamas think BabyWearing isn’t for us! Most of what is seen today as “new age” and “crunchy granola” parenting is folks emulating the mothering practices of African and Native peoples. I’m hoping in my quest to educate and empower more young Black mothers through my doula work, I can get them into BabyWearing. Look at what we can do:

We need MORE of this!!

Daddies do it too! (from www.hybridrastamama.blogspot.com)

Celebrity Black Mamas wear their babies!

 

I found that pic of Keyshia Cole & her baby on Blacktating.com. Click here to see more celebrity Moms of Color wearing their babies. Maybe Beyonce’ will wear her baby too! *prays*

It’s our culture AND it’s best practices.  I want them to trust their bodies. I want them to trust their abilities and decisions as mothers, and understand what is best for their little ones and themselves.

Here’s a video of my favorite way to wear a baby. I know a Sister that wears her son like this and he is one of the happiest babies I  know:

 

And since I wrote that letter to Beyonce yesterday about natural birthing and breastfeeding, check out this video about BabyWearing  inspired by Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video:

 

Where do you stand on the issue of “BabyWearing”? Do you think the benefits of BabyWearing justify the continued effort to get more women of color to reclaim this practice? What implications do you think BabyWearing would have on Black mothering and outcomes for our babies?

 

~pbg

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Dear Beyonce: Let’s Talk Birthing and Breastfeeding

Dear Beyonce,

Hey Girl. Hay. This is the second letter I’ve written to you this year. Sorry for not keeping in touch more. I’ve been busy with this blog, my hair, job-hunting, doula stuff and my kids. Don’t think it’s because I don’t love you, because you know I do. Speaking of kids, I just heard last night that you are pregnant. Congrats, Girl! Are you and the hubby extra happy? I know you have to be.

Lookin' good, Mama. Love that ring, BTW.

What a blessing, Bey. Your baby will be Half Creole, Half Brooklyn and all awesome.

Well here I am again coming to you to ask you to use your celebrity status for good. Last time, I begged you to talk to your “Stans” for their deplorable behavior and encourage them to get some ack right in their lives. This time, it’s much more serious. Much, much more serious!!

With your impending motherhood, I think this is the perfect time for you to come out in support of natural birthing and breastfeeding for  young Black mothers. This is an issue that needs to be highlighted and touted in our community for the healthy practices that they are. It is well known that natural birthing with the help of a midwife and the support of doula results in better outcomes for both mother and infant. And of course breastfeeding the baby is best since it is the perfect food for human babies and prevents all kinds of sicknesses and stuff, but sadly Black mothers STILL lag behind our White and Latina counterparts in this area.

We need MORE of this!!

Can you believe that, Bey? As much as people fetishize ogle malign commodify revere the Black woman’s body, no one seems to want to speak up loudly about the amazing things our Black female bodies can and should do when it comes to birthing and nurturing our children. We need a loud voice for that Bey and we all know you can be loud when you want to! LOL! Get ‘em, girl. Oh how I love you!

Anyways, while I believe in a lot of other “radical” birthing and nurturing practices as an experienced mother and aspiring doula myself, I will ask only of you to speak and act in support of Natural Birthing and Breastfeeding to age one for Black mothers and babies. We need your influence, Bey. You can reach the masses and your Fan Family will listen to what you have to say. You did that video for First Lady Obama’s Healthy Kids campaign, remember? Well, healthy kids start out as healthy breastfed babies born of healthy natural births to healthy women! Just think of my request as a front end extension of all that.

Well, I’ll close this letter out  by wishing you and your husband the best throughout the remainder of your pregnancy and pray for a healthy natural birthing experience for your family and all the tittay-milk you can muster for your little one. Be blessed, girlfriend!

 

Your Sister in Motherhood & Being Loud When You Want To Be,

~pbg

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My First & Last Post Ever About “Basketball Wives”

So, this weekend I spent time at my good friend Nova’s house. In the wee hours of the morning after we left the Axel F party, we sat in his living room eating some awesome snacks from 7-Elven and he had me watch a clip of the VH-1 reality TV series, “Basketball Wives”.

I had never seen this show before and my knowledge of it didn’t go any further than what I see people squawking about it on Twitter and Facebook. I had no idea that these women would be the cause of me muttering myself to sleep about high-school antics, visible tracks and wondering how I never managed to bang a professional ball player and get rich on accident.

 

In the name of Harriet Tubman and Dorothy Dandrige, these YAAs (Yamps of Advanced Age) are the most wretched gaggle of geese I’ve ever seen on TV. Yes, even worse than The Real Housewives of Atlanta. 

Nova shared with me a clip in which the “ladies” were on vacation together in Italy. On vacation in Italy shaming the absolute f*ck out of every maternal ancestor of theirs all the way down to Mitochondrial Eve. I was beyond incensed with this unbeweavable, psuedo-socialite, f*ck lucky gang of losers. Raggedy hair extensions, bad skin, messy divorces, speech impediments and questionable characters abound throughout this bunch, but all they can find time to do is throw shade at one another. They all need to seek counseling.

They can’t even appreciate the “luxury” that they’ve managed to f*ck their ways into and are out in these streets acting like untrained monkeys. How are you gon’ be a “baller’s wife” but you’re throwing drinks, cussin’ like a sailor and fighting in the club like some unloved foster child? These polished up raggamuffins are embarrassing. I wish Ida B. Wells could rise up from her grave and slap the piss out of all of them.

Speaking of a slap…

 

This one yamp slapped the other yamp for talking bad about her behind her back. Why do you care so much, First Yamp (her name is Tammy)? If Second Yamp (named Meeka) ain’t messin’ with your kids or your money, LET THAT HOE TALK. And I won’t even go in on that lispy, #RunTellDat duck sitting between them. Hmph.

 

Anyway, today was a day I was glad I don’t have cable and can’t even be tempted to keep track of these shameful vaginas. I’d be on this blog ranting about their antics every week if I did. I’ll just stick to my books, boring documentaries and Netflix reruns, cuz this shyt right here…Nawl. I ain’t even about this Basketball Wives life. I simply can’t be.  And what’s truly sad is that these chicks are some unfortunate woman’s role models.

 

Any of you Dedicated Readers watch “Basketball Wives”?  What ya’ll know about these women? Aren’t they a mess? 

 

~pbg

 

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