Last night I met up with my good girlfriend Kellie at Lounge of III for karaoke. This a regular thing for me. I love the crowd, I love giving my lop-sided performances and it doesn’t hurt that Tuesdays at Lounge of II are “Tequila Tuesdays”. The tequila tells me “You really CAN get up in front of this crowd and perform “Darling Nikki”! And, I do…well. Can’t sing a lick, but it’s always a hit.
There are usually some nice looking friendly men there too. That’s always fun.This grown ass man (44 years old; let’s call him “B.A.”) is digging me pretty hard. He looked decent, behaved decently. You can’t ever be mad at that, right? He made it his business to dance with me and chat me up. That’s cool, too. After the night’s festivities concluded, we stood outside and conversed a bit and I gave B.A. my card. He asked me if I was married I told him that I am not, because I am not. When I asked him, he says…“I’m living with somebody I’m dating”.
"Whatchu just say to me?"
I thought to myself “This bamma here…” and my entire countenance changed. Where as before I was warm, smiley and attentive, I changed to stand-offish, barely interested with minimal eye contact. I just do not suffer fools well at all and I’m not good at faking it either. Kellie and I began to talk about getting food before going home and B.A. decided it would be a good idea if he escorted us and paid for our meals. We agreed. Kellie didn’t know about this Mister’s “status” until AFTER we got to the food spot. I sneaked off to the ladies’ room to send her a secret text:
PBG: Girl! This dude has a GF of 3 years at home!
Kelz: ……
Kelz: Niggas ain’t worth a f*ck out here!
PBG: I’m finna exploit the shyt outta him tonight.
Yes, I purposely exploited B.A. And I’m happy about it. When I say I exploited him, I mean that I allowed him to pay for my and my friend’s meal with full knowledge that I have absolute no plans to date/see/do the sex with him ever in life. I honestly don’t care to even talk to him again. If he calls me, I’ll tell him so. Men like him deserve this kind of treatment. They deserve it because they have wives/committed partners at home but go out to bars/clubs/lounges, etc and attempt (and sometimes succeed ) to pick up single women, for their enjoyment, be it long-term or just for the night. But you know who catches hell for it?
Single women.
We get accused of being “home wreckers” and being “on the prowl” for married men. This stereotype bothers me because it props up the notion of single women being the ones who kick off extramarital/extraneous affairs and married women better be on the look out for those “tramps” who are “jealous” because they want what they have. Miss me with that bull. The fact that boys/men are socialized to be the aggressors in matters of sex and dating and girls/women are socialized to do the EXACT OPPOSITE tells me that this is probably not true. More often than not, it is men who initiate the affairs they conduct outside of their relationships. What women do is consent to, allow and maintain these kinds of relationships, ultimately to our own detriment. Complicit in your own demise. When it all falls down, it’s the single woman who catches the brunt of the bullshyt that’s left in its wake. Think about it: even if a single woman stayed with a married man for 30 years up to his death, who do you think will get everything in the will? Not you, silly single woman. His legal wife and THEIR children. I know I deserve better and I can’t be bothered with it.
Look, let me say this: Women have the power to stop this crap. If we say “no” to these married guys who approach us, who would they cheat with? Each other? #OhTheresAThought And Mothers and Other Mothers: we have to do better for our girls. We’re modeling behavior for them that they will carry into their adult relationships. We have to show them the power they are inheriting and show them how to use it in meaningful ways. That is our responsibility. Ladies, consider this a call for a moratorium on Married Peen. To quote Nancy Reagan, “Just Say No”!!
B.A. told me at the end of the night, “At least I was honest about my situation, right?” like he wanted some kind of kudos for doing what the hell he’s supposed to do anyway. Yes, he was honest with me, some strange woman he met at a bar [fake] singing a Pointer Sisters song. Do you think he was as forthcoming with the lovely woman he went and laid down next to when he got home?
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
~pbg
