I was sitting with my computer the other day, just scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard like I usually do. I like to look at pictures of cats, funny animated .gifs and pretty clothes and natural hair. Zone out and appreciate some beauty, ya dig? All of a sudden I saw a post entitled “Cockblocking Friends” that snatched me out of my Internet escape and threw me down hard into my own reality as a mom:

There was a young man, a young Black man, asking this question about why can’t he just have sex with drunk girls if he wants to do so? Why do the drunk girl’s girlfriends get in the way of that?

I was floored. I’ve been following this college student on Tumblr for a while based on the fact that he’s a young Black guy who seems to be enjoying his college experience and he’s from the DC Metro area. I like reading his posts about what he’s doing with his life. But this post was just jarring. He’s basically asking why can’t he be left to rape girls without interference. I immediately responded to him:

I responded to him because when I saw his post, I thought about my own son. My son is 13 years-old, but in a matter of just a few short years, he will be in “party” situations. Ratchet teenage male hormones, alcohol, Black hyper- masculinity and girls. Girls. Somebody’s daughters. Girls like my 18 year-old daughter. Girls like I used to be so long ago. I thought about how important it is that I have to teach my son NOT TO RAPE WOMEN. Thank God this young man was able to understand what I was telling him and thanked me for educating him. I wish he hadn’t had to get halfway through college and have a Stranger Lady On The Internet tell him it’s not ok to have sex with little drunk girls.

Oh yes. We who are parents of little boys have to teach them how to not to become violent sexual criminals. We have to teach them that early, and it’s never too early. When you teach them to listen to their friends’ words and respect them, you’re teaching your little boys not to rape. When you teach them that it’s not OK for ANYBODY to touch their body in a way that makes them uncomfortable, you are teaching them not to rape. When you emphasize how important it is to obtain consent from everybody about everything when it comes to their personhood, their belongings and their space, you are teaching your little boys not to rape. These are things I’ve taught my children from the time they were able to understand. That’s at about age two.

But now that they’re older and life situations are maturing right along with them, I have to teach them how to behave in specific situations. I teach my daughter about how to be aware in her comings and goings and of how other people are behaving in her environment. I teach her how to defend herself and to always to be ready to do so. And you know why I have to teach her that? Because there are VERY FEW folks who are teaching their sons to not sexually assault the women with whom they socialize. All the responsibility for preventing rape is being left with the victims and potential victims. 

Boys and young men are being advised to “shove girls up against the wall and stick their hands down her pants.” (see: $hort, Too) Boys and young men are being told that if a girl has had them lingering in the “Friend Zone” too long, it’s “time to get rapey” and “grab” some ass and/or titties. Yes, that did happen:

#Entitlement #NiceGuyMisogyny #AllegedJoke #NotFunny

Boys and young men are NOT being told how and why to NEVER TOUCH A DRUNK GIRL. This is utter bullshyt. Not only are the people who perpetuate this endangering girls and young women, they are endangering the boys and men who are the only ones who can effectively stop rape. They’re setting them up to become criminals and to end up on the wrong side of the law. That’s not the future I want for my son or anybody’s little boy that will become a man. Teaching Rape prevention tactics to boys needs to be a real thing and pursued with urgency by EVERYBODY EVERYWHERE. Especially if you are a man yourself, in a position of teaching boys at any age or stage of development.

 It’s not a joke and it’s not a game. Protect both girls AND boys. Instill a sense of humanity in your boys so they will see girls as people just like them, not props for their sexual pleasure or things that they are entitled to have just because they want it. #NoMatterHowLongTheyveBeenFriendsAndHeTreatedHerToCheddarBiscuits I never want to have that kind of man for a son. I never want to have to go visit him in prison, knowing he hurt women, so I’m going to do as much as I can to teach him how NOT TO RAPE.

~pbg

**Identities in this post have been hidden/obscured to protect the innocent, ignorant and insane. Act accordingly.