My friend Jean DeGrate, whom I believe is a very talented writer in the same way that I am (awesome storyteller), sometimes blogs over at Jean DeGrate Has Spoken. I wish he’d write more, but when he does I make a point of reading what he has posted. I enjoy his voice and his point of view. I’ve learned a lot from him since I’ve known him, even if it has meant looking in the opposite direction when it comes to some of his opinions. Hell, at least he has one and is able to articulate it in a way that people can understand it.
Earlier in the week, I was reading Jean’s latest post while riding the bus to work. You can click the link and check it out yourself, but my homie had basically written about all the women with “convenient jobs” he’d like to date and why. He ran down a list of women with specific occupations in public service and how advantageous it would be to him if any of these women were his Boo-Thang. I thought this was the funniest thing ever that morning, and it immediately reminded me of the “Patchwork Love” post I wrote last year. But as funny as it was, I realized a.) how real and practical that line of thinking is and b.) how if a woman had written that post she’d be slandered from one end of the blogosphere to the other as an…*ahem*…“Opportunistic Woman”. You know I ain’t even lyin’.
No, I ain’t lyin’. So I had to write my own list, because there are some men with Practical/Beneficial Occupations I need to get with and upgrade my situation. Friends With Fringe Benefits, y’all.
1.) A Target Employee
Like Jean, I spend CRAZY money in Target. The last time I went there, I spent $70 buying underwear for me and Ike n’ Tina. OK, I bought some hair products and makeup too, but you get the gist! If I had one of those fellas clad in the Crimson & Tan, I’d get a decent discount on all my life essentials like the aforementioned pannydrawls, kitty litter and bed sheets.
2.) A Metro Bus Driver
Preferably one that drives my regular bus route. I am thoroughly anti-owning a car in DC, so I am always taking the bus somewhere (yes, the bus, since I prefer that over the trains here). I want My Metro Boo to let me ride for free. The bus, you pervs. I also want him to get my kids’ Student Passes either for free or a deep discount. That would make my life so much easier.
3.) An Orthodontist
My kid needs braces. This is self-explanatory.
4.) Bartender
This is self-explanatory as well. And a lot of explanations fit. Just pick one.
5.) The Owner Of A Beauty Supply Store
This one automatically tells everybody that I am open to dating outside of my race, right? OK. But for as much as I spend on wigs, this man would be treated like a king by me. Rose petals at his feet and all that. He would know when the new shipment comes in, I get first dibs. That’s love! Get me the FreeTress Tracy wig, boo…so I’ll know it’s real.
I’m sure I could think of at least three other men if I really put my mind to it ( Somebody over at Amazon.com, A bagger at Whole Foods, Value Village Stockroom staffer and the manager at TJ Maxx), but I’d like to hear from my Dedicated Readers. What fringe benefits would you love in a love/dating relationship? Would it be worth it?
~pbg
