PBG True Story: I Found Love In A Hopeless Place…The Internet!
A few months ago, pics of me & a dude started showing up on my social media accounts. Who was this mystery man? Where did he come from and WHY was the perennially single PBG posting pics of herself with some light-skinneded man??
Well, that man is My Boo and I got him on The Internet. For real!! Lemme tell y’all this story:
I had never tried any of those dating websites before, at least not seriously. I had looked around on of them once during one of those free holiday weekends but never made any sincere effort to see if it would work for me. At that time, I wasn’t even really checking for any kind of real dating life or romantic relationships. I was just floating and gliding through life, enjoying my freedom and the occasional tryst here and there. I enjoyed the simplicity of it all.
I started to grow weary of those pockets of loneliness (yes, LONELINESS: a real and true human emotion that no one should feel any shame about because we are hard-wired for connection) that set in when it gets really quiet and really still around me. I decided I’d try to REALLY put myself out there and find myself some new kinda Love.
Earlier this year after two especially disappointing baby steps into the Pool of Vulnerability that is “dating” I decided to give it ONE MORE TRY. But since I had tried meeting men through friends and based on common interests and failed miserably at that, I decided to REALLY try a dating website. True story. I really did it.
I sat down late last winter and crafted myself a profile on AWebsiteIWillNotNameBcuzThoseBammasAintPayingMe.com. I picked out some of my favorite pics of myself. I posted pics of myself with and without makeup, full-body shots, with natural hair AND in a wig. They were all pics of me alone and none of those pictures were more than nine months old. Then I wrote a brief but detailed paragraph about myself and described what my goals were for joining the site. I made it VERY clear that I was not looking for any brief, no-strings-attached, purely sexual hook-ups. I also made sure it was understood that I was not interested in having any more children. After I was sufficiently satisfied with what I had written, I said a little prayer and clicked “Post.”
I immediately got hits to my profile and quite a few strange messages from men for whom reading comprehension was CLEARLY not their strong suit. While I let various messages flow in, I took some time to browse profiles myself. There were a lot of good-looking men on the site, and quite a few aesthetically challenged as well. Then there were some that were plain ol’ FACIALLY ABRUPT. Besides the looks, so many dudes put almost ZERO effort into building an actual profile. In the “About me” section they’d lazily written “ask and I’ll tell you” and only have one or two pictures up. Who has only ONE picture up in this, the age of the “selfie??” There was no way to know what the hell those dudes wanted, so I just bypassed them. I did send a few messages to guys whose profiles seemed interesting. I talked to about 3 guys over the phone, but there was no “spark.” One guy actually got me to the “Let’s meet up” point, but he didn’t even show up! I was so glad I didn’t have to travel far from home for that waste of time. I was so mad!
But I didn’t let that deter me. Well, I did for a little while because after a while because keeping up with the communication and initiating contact with folks started to feel like a part-time job. I was getting tired of it! Then late one night, I was browsing the site on my phone and came across a guy that was local, the right age, very handsome and had put a decent amount of effort into his profile. So I sent him a quick message and went to sleep. I woke up the next day to response from him and after a few exchanges, we started texting quite a bit. And from THERE, we went on to talk on the phone (see, there’s LEVELS to this shyt) several times, for hours at a time. You know, like back in high school days. After about 2 weeks of that, he asked me out on a date. We met up at one of the Metro stations downtown. I was relieved that he looked just like his pictures and that he didn’t bop me upside my head and steal my purse. Lew & I ended up on what turned out to be a 6-hour date: dinner, movies and drinks after. There was an immediate chemistry and at the end of the date, I asked him (because CONSENT is the move out in these streets) if I could kiss him and he said “yes.” After two more dates, he brought up the monogamy. As in “Just Me And You.” I was a bit shook up because I didn’t expect it to happen so fast, but since we were really feeling each other and were seeing eye-to-eye on the whole thing, I decided to go for it (after some encouragement from my ever-optimistic BFF/Roomie, Kellie.) One thing my previous splashes in the Dating Pool had taught me was that if it doesn’t work out, I’ll survive and I’ll still be awesome and deserving of Love.
Welp, that was 8 months ago and Lew and I are still together.
We love #Selfies.
It hasn’t been perfect at all (don’t ever, EVER expect that in anything involving humans) but it has been fun and beautiful and lovely and edifying. It has been what I wanted and I feel great in it. I feel so great in it that I don’t want to stop. And I think he would say the same. I think online dating worked for me because I was clear about what I wanted from the experience and didn’t entertain anything outside of that, I was determined and I didn’t let the bad get in the way of the possibility of the good.
In addition to finding myself an exceptionally decent fella through an Internet Dating Site, I learned a few things about what I believe works and doesn’t work on those sites. I ended up making a good profile for my cousin and coaching her through navigating the stream and she ALSO found a man that makes her happy. I’m gonna share a few tips in my next blog post.