She Wants To Know About “The Butters”

Bless this poor white woman’s heart. She wants to know about “The Butters”.

My friend sent me this video this morning and it was the very first piece of media I consumed for the day. I watched it from my phone before I even put my feet to the floor to shake the devil off. My initial reaction was just to laugh. I straight up giggled at this woman her insistence that we Black women tell her about “The Butters”. She has discovered that there is more to the moisturizing game than those stank, mineral oils-posing-as-lotions at Bath & Body Works and she wants to be down. She wants to know how she can have The Glow too. You know, “The Glow”…how “Black don’t crack”. She wants to know how to keep her “mixed” son from being ashy. Yeah, she wants to be down. Am I surprised? No indeed. Are any of My Sistas surprised? Probably not. White women wanting to be down with our beauty secrets is by no means a new thing.

But as I giggled, I did not feel full-on amused by this White woman demanding that Black people tell her about our cultural secrets. Not that shea butter, cocoa butter, jojoba oil or anything else some big secret. People have been using those things for hair and skin care for centuries. They’re out in nature. Black people don’t hold the patent on any of it. We weren’t “hiding” anything from you. Not at all, so why are you “pissed off”? This is just stuff we had access to and knowledge of how to use because it was a part of our culture.

Our culture. This is where the disconnect is, Ms. Heady1313. Follow me, ok? You want to get told? Here’s me telling you:

As it is, we’re just getting back into “The Butters” ourselves. There was this thing that happened a long time ago that kinda separated Black people from a large part of their culture. That separation caused a lack of access to the things we used to have and the ways we used to use them. It also caused us some confusion because some kinda way, we stopped believing in our own standards of beauty and started emulating another. Revering it, actually. Revering it to the point of mass collective psychological damage. So hundreds of years after that thing that happened and kicked up all that trouble, a bunch of us Black folks are FINALLY getting back to “The Butters”. Now, if way back when, the White Folks had not come to see us on some conquer & destroy type missions and been on some friendly, diplomatic type stuff, ya’ll would KNOW about “The Butters” because we would have shared the secrets. But no, ya’ll came to see us with other things in mind, so we all lost out on “The Butters” for a very long time.

Side Note: Please don’t make me explain what “That Thing That Happened A Long Time Ago” is to anybody.

You see, at this point we don’t owe you, Ms. Heady 1313 or any other White person, anything. We don’t owe it to you to sit you down and break down the brightness of our culture when you don’t want to deal with the darker aspects of our intersecting beings. Quite frankly, we don’t even have the time. Now, I know it is the neighborly and loving thing to do to share, but don’t sit up in your privileged and DEMAND for us to “give it up”. All things considered, that’s going to leave a nasty taste in my mouth and make me more inclined to tell you to get The Glow, go get a tub of Crisco and rub that all over your skin. Just because I don’t like the way you came at me. So chill, OK? Tuck in that privilege and come a little more humble than that. Again, we don’t owe you our secrets.

By the way, you managed to have a biracial son but didn’t learn any about any of “The Butters”? Oh. I guess his mama, sisters and girl cousins didn’t really like you that much. Girl. You lost.


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  • Andrea Morgan

    The best sentence I have read thus far in 2011: “We don’t owe it to you to sit you down and break down the brightness of our culture when you don’t want to deal with the darker aspects of our intersecting beings. ”

    Excellent post! And I agree, wo do not have the time. Her stank attitudde doesn’t even get a perfunctory “Bless your heart” today…

  • Hisprosody

    *dead and gone* Love it dearly!

  • TheTGM

    To sum it all down in a ignorant way: “Bitch! You CAN’T HAVE my butters!”

    I miss commenting here!


  • Dr. Sisco

    Seriously?! Has she been to a G**D** Dollar Store lately?

  • Tay Tay

    She knows what “The butters” are she is just playing. Chill out people it ain’t that damn serious.

  • aWickedRose

    …..While part of me wants to be all “Did she really?” the other part of me thinks about how often I’m just being sarcastic and attempting to be funny and it flops. The stuff on Twitter (that you don’t control and have little to do with) was a bit much. Black Twitter went for the wig of a woman with multiple sclerosis who is flat broke. That’s what we did today. There’s worst racist behavior in the world.

  • aWickedRose

    worse* Motherfucking sonsofbitchin’ typos. Gah.

  • Ruby

    Didn’t watch the video but I’m black and I didn’t know what “the butters” was refering to until I read your blog entry. I do need to get my hands on some cocoa butter though but I’m afraid the gnats and mosquitos would eat my butt up.

  • sonicsilence

    so full of fail…did she imply that its the fault of black women that some white mothers or biracial children don’t know how to take care of their kids skin and hair?! she could she parade her white privilege on YouTube, but not Google on how to take care of her own child??? (side eye)

  • Abena

    So True! After I heard her demands for us to give up the tapes on “The Butters”, I was kinda stunned and went into a bit of shystem overload processing that mess.

    I have not yet created the planned video response to her and am not likely to share in such an eloquent and non-emotional fashion as you have done here…my comments are likely to include several PROFANE words.

    It was good reading this side ..Thanks for Sharing

  • blvdjewel

    This lady needs far more than the “buttaz”. What a lot of women with little melanin need to do is:
    1) stop drinking so much alcohol as it dehydrates the skin and drink more water
    2) stop the extreme dieting because it has a terrible effect on the skin
    3) stop eating and drinking products with sugar substitutes that come in blue, yellow, and those horrid pink packets
    4) stop eating every non-fat item created and get the proper amount of fat intake in their diet
    4) stop being a sun worshiper
    5) stop smoking and taking recreational drugs

  • Lena

    Great post. I enjoyed the part where you said, We don’t owe it to you to sit you down and break down the brightness of our culture when you don’t want to deal with the darker aspects of our intersecting beings.” I concur, there are so many things people want to have explain to them, but they don’t want the whole truth, they just want a part, just the convenient, useful part.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Angelica

    Umm…. In all honesty, I see where y’all are coming from… but #nawl, y’all are doing too much. I thought it was pretty clear this was a tongue-in-cheek video poking fun at her own ignorance of something so wonderful that Black folks have always known about. Glad to know the art of sarcasm isn’t lost on y’all. O_O

  • AI

    LOL, delete my comment bc I disagree? Anyways, I think this is sarcasm and she’s poking fun at her own ignorance, rather than literally stating an expectation for Black women to inform her of everything we know O_O

    • ThePBG

      And how do you know I’m not poking fun at her? Maybe sarcasm is lost on you.

      Thanks for reading & stop being so fast. Your comment wasn’t deleted, Person. It was awaiting moderation. That happens sometimes.

  • AI

    Oh the “I was just joking” move… yeah… O_O

    • ThePBG

      Person, please. It seems way too important for you to come to my blog to argue and disagree with me on this one post. I have almost 400 other posts that you can enjoy. How about you just go find something you can appreciate in my archives? Or, click off of this site and don’t come back. You’re welcome to do either or both.

      • Angelica

        I actually did comment on and enjoy various other posts. I just happen to disagree with this one. You seem to enjoy a healthy dose of snark as I do, don’t see why my replies should matter.

        • ThePBG

          I know you did. I know every time you commented on a post on my blog.

          As far as your replies mattering…they don’t.

          Thanks for reading.

          • Angelica

            ur welcome, keep up the good work :) *non-sarcasm*

  • Littlebeauty

    Ugh. It was a joke. Dang…calm down ABW.

  • Jaq

    In her attempt to be humorous (admittedly, I did indeed laugh myself), that white imperialist spirit was shining right through.

  • Manda Plines

    pfft, smh… shes so dumb and I dont appreciate her assumptions about how all white moms to biracial children cant do their hair! I have 2 and they both have extremely different textures of hair but i do them both fine! AND how the eff have u not ever heard of or known about “the butters”?! Im white and I have known about em forever! This kinda chick right here makes me so mad at white women!!

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