While I miss the MommyMobile sometimes, I absolutely LOVE riding Metro in the morning going to work and to school.

Why?? Because I see the BEST shyt on public transportation and find all kinds of ways to entertain myself while moving through my beloved hometown. If I blogged everyday, I’d have a funny story for every post JUST from riding the bus and/or train:

Eyeshadow Chic:
WTF is this crazy ass look of putting on NO make-up except some outrageous ass eyeshadow about?? This chick on the train today had on a security uniform and some bright ass, electric blue eyeshadow…and not another stitch of make-up.

Why for, Mama? Why for?? Does she like, guard some D-List modeling agency or hick town beauty pageant?? I know, I KNOW I made a crazy face at her when we made eye contact, because I could feel it. But I wasn’t scared of her flashlight. But I was definitely afraid of that iridescent bullshyt she had going on in her ocular region. I love make-up…so much that I will put on a full face of cosmetics just to wash dishes or watch reality TV. I hate to see it misused in such a manner.

PBG: Walking Metro Info Kiosk:
I must look like I was birthed downtown at the corner of 7th and H Streets, NW. Somebody is ALWAYS asking me for directions in the Metro.

I swear, if this whole “college degree” shyt don’t work out for me, I can always become a station manager. I don’t mind helping folks. But sometimes the Evil Muppet in me wants to give them f*cked up directions just for kicks. Sometimes…

Dance Fever w/the Little Green iPeezy (c) Sista White
I travel w/my little green iPod mini that I bought on craigslist thanks to Mother having some kind of financial windfall a couple of months back ( I wonder what the f*ck that feels like…) and randomly gifting me $200. So I used half of it to buy a barely used iPod from this cute Italian guy. Anyhoo, its only 4GB, but it’s chock full of my favorite tunes. I dance my ASS off in my seat on Metro.

I know I do it. I know people are looking…I don’t give a damn. If I’m feeling the song, I am gonna boogie. I usually pick really uptight looking white men to sit next to on purpose. I get a kick out of them giving me “that look” as I snap and bop my head. If I catch them looking, I wink at them. LMAO!!!

Express News:
The Express is the free commuter newspaper that nice people hand out at the busiest Metro stations every weekday morning.

I LOVE this freakin’ newspaper. All the stories are short and to the point, which is perfect for my increasingly potent A.D.D., yet very informative. They feature popular DC bloggers on all subjects, sports reports, national and international news articles. It’s like a tasty appetizer to hold me over till I get to work and can pour over the Washington Post while bouncing the Marshmallow on my ample knee.

Slavery Casting:
This has to be the weirdest thing I do while riding public transportation. I look at different white and black people and imagine what their role on a plantation would be if we were still living in Slavery times.

It grew from me calling going to work “headed for the plantation”, so I figured everybody else was too (everybody does think just like me, right?? huh? what? oh. ok. ) So I’ll see a big black guy and say to myself, “Oh, he’d be a fieldhand! He could prolly pick up 2 bales a hay at once!” or I’ll see a thick bodied redbone chick and say “Massa would be breeding the shyt outta her. She’d be his concubine.” I’ll see a white woman and say “Look @ Missy Anne!” and some broke looking white dude and say “There go the Overseer”. And of course, I cast the mammies, cooks and rotten ass over privileged plantation sons and daughters…and there are wild ass kids all over, so I have niglets galore from which to choose.I don’t know WHY I find this so entertaining, but I do it at least 2-3 times a week, especially if I forget to bring my iPeezy.

Yes, I am crazy, but I have the best time just coming and going. Life is short, but full of details. If you pay attention, you’ll find the most amusing minutiae and enjoy it a lot more.