I am a single Black woman, divorced mother of two living and working in DC. No, I am not HIV+ nor do I have herpes or bat sh*t crazy, as the media would have you believe. Nor am I so desperate for a man that I’d settle for less than I want or cry a river until I drown the 7 cats with which I am destined to live out my days, as the media would ALSO have you believe. With that being said, here’s a letter to all the married men that think it’s OK to run their matrimonial mack game on us single women because frankly, I’m tired of it:

Dear Married Man,

Yes, I am very aware that you are married, despite your attempts to skirt the question or make it seem like less of an issue than it really is. That mauve mini-van with baby seats in the back as well as your WEDDING photos on Facebook kind of clued me in, so you asking me out to spend time with you over coffee/tea/liquor/carry-out triple mix is not only highly inappropriate, it is disrespectful. I find it insulting and I don’t appreciate it one bit. Why would you make me the target of your whorish activities? What about me makes you even think that I would want to be involved in such recklessness?

First off, just…NO. I know that nothing good comes of single women dealing with married men. I don’t stand to gain a damn thing, so why would I sacrifice even one nanosecond of my time with you? Even if you DIDN’T make me a run-of-the mill “Jump Off” and showered me with attention, “love” and material trappings, at the end of all that…you go home to your wife and family. I’m left alone and demoralized with a wet backside and a few nice trinkets. No thank you, sir. I’d rather not. I tend to think that I’m worth a great deal more than that.

Contrary to what you and your ridiculous, unjustifiably huge ego would believe, single women are not flattered when you married men holla at us. No, I am not “so damn happy just to get the attention”. I am actually embarrassed and that will probably lead to me being pissed off. That pissed-tivity could possibly lead to me making use of my skills as a blogger as well as my many friends in government (Social Security Administration), private sector (cell phone carriers and internet providers), making a big ass example of you, just for being the latest fool to try me. Sometimes, things need be said in a certain way for an entire group to understand them. I don’t mind setting precedent, if you don’t.

And in the HIGHLY unlikely event that you DO leave your wife and come make me victim #2 your next “one and only”, how the hell am I supposed to have any peace, when I would get up every day and look in the mirror at proof of your repugnant penchant for superfluous surplus p*$$y?? Every time you’d leave the house, I wouldn’t be able to shake the feeling that I’ve truly taken the place of your wife and that isn’t quite the place I thought I would be. That ain’t the dream you’re sellin’…or is it? Again I say “no thank you”.

I don’t date or spend one-on-one time with other women’s husbands. This isn’t a ploy to appear righteous and clean in the eyes of my family/friends/associates. This is a personal standard of mine that I have instituted in my life so I can better deal with MYSELF and the situations I am in and in which I hope to be in the future. I plan on sticking to it.  I can’t expect to have the love I deserve come into my life if I insist on occupying that space with a man who can’t fulfill that role . As long as you are married to another woman, you ARE NOT that man.

On behalf of every single woman who is unimpressed by your efforts to recruit her into your “Side-Piece Posse”, your “Ho’ Brigade” or your “Gaggle of Good Time Girls”, please step the f*ck off. If you want a different woman every other night, buy your wife some wigs and costumes. Make it easy on you, her and most of all me. I can’t be bothered.

Sincerely [not] yours [in any shape, form or fashion],

pbg